Connecting more Dots: "Lack of power was my dilemma."

It's a grind one hears over and over again in AA meetings.

I was shown by so many around me that one should be frustrated, resentful, angry and rageful when life didn't go the way the way they had been conditioned, in-doctrine-ated, instructed, socialized, habituated, normalized and neurally “hard-wired” to believe it should. I didn't get the toy or the Levis or the place on the team or the girl or the job or the car or the home or the respect from others I had been taught to believe I should get.

Others got righteous. They ranted and railed in their frustration, resentment and anger. They raged. Why shouldn't I?

So I did.

Others drank and used drugs and drove too fast and got in fights and wrecked relationships and lost jobs and got divorced and wound up on the streets or in the joint or psych hospital and became pariahs to their friends and families. They raged. Why shouldn't I?

So I did.

Others "caught" nasty cases of mania, depression and anxiety causing them to suffer with all kinds of physical aches and pains the pshrinques of a generation ago called "factitious," "psychosomatic" and "conversion" disorders. Why should't I?

And I did.

Others came down with Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder from decades of battering their brains and bodies with the untreated results of having been trained to believe that reactive rage was the best way to deal with life's injustice. They got stuck in the "justice fallacy." Why shouldn't I?

And I did.

Others wound up with "issues" like sleep disorders, tinnitus, irritable bowel syndrome, gastric ulcers, peripheral neuropathy, vaginismus, prostate swelling and forms of cancer rarely seen until reactive self-stress began to be an epidemic about 75 years ago. Why shouldn't I?

And I did.

Others did the time for someone else's crimes. Why shouldn't I?

And I did.

For decades. Until I learned finally learned that "lack of power was my dilemma" and that righteous rage is a luxury I just can't afford anymore.

I hope it's not too late.

Resources (Just read the titles? Couldn't hurt.)

Agarwal, N.: fMRI Shows Trauma Affects Neural Circuitry, in Clinical Psychiatry News, Vol. 37, No. 3, March 2009.

Andersen, S.; Teicher, M.: Desperately Driven and No Brakes: Developmental Stress Exposure and Subsequent Risk for Substance Abuse, in Neuroscience of Behavior Review, Vol. 33, No. 4, April 2009.

Antoniak, S.: Inmates with PTSD have higher scores for mood, anxiety, somatoform, substance use, psychotic, eating, conduct, and adjustment disorders, in Clinical Psychiatry News, Vol. 38, No. 1, January 2010.

Arsenault, L.; et al: Being Bullied as an Environmentally Mediated Contributing Factor to Children’s Internalizing Problems…, in in Archives of Pediatrics & Adolescent Medicine, Vol. 162, February, 2008.

Bandura, A.: Self-Efficacy: The Exercise of Control, San Francisco: W. H. Freeman, 1997.

Beck, A.: Prisoners Of Hate: The Cognitive Basis of Anger, Hostility, and Violence, New York: Harper-Collins, 1999.

Benson, H.: The Relaxation Response, New York: Morrow, 1975.

Berger, P.; Luckman, T.: The Social Construction of Reality: A Treatise in the Sociology of Knowledge, New York: Doubleday, 1966.

Brach, T.: Radical Acceptance: Embracing Your Life with the Heart of a Buddha, New York: Random House / Bantam, 2004.

Brown, B.: I Thought It Was Just Me: Telling the Truth About Perfectionism, Inadeqacy and Power, New York: Gotham Books, 2007.

Burgo, J.: Why Do I Do That?: Psychological Defense Mechanisms and the Hidden Ways they Shape our Lives, Chapel Hill, NC: New Rise Press, 2012.

Burrow, T.: The Social Basis of Consciousness, New York: Harcourt, Brace, 1927.

Carter, S.: The Tell-Tale Signs of Burnout: Do You Have Them?, in Psychology Today online, November 2013.

Centers for Disease Control and Prevention: The Effects of Childhood Stress Across the Lifespan, Atlanta, GA: CDC, 2008.

Chodron, P.: Taking the Leap: Freeing Ourselves from Old Habits and Fears, Boston: Shambala, 2010.

Courtois, C.: It's Not You: It's What Happened to You: Complex Trauma and Treatment, Dublin, OH: Telemachus Press, 2014.

Damasio, A.: The Feeling of What Happens: Body and Emotion in the Making of Consciousness, New York: Harcourt, 1999.

Deikman, A.: Personal Freedom: On Finding Your Way to the Real World, New York: Bantam, 1976.

Deikman, A.: The Observing Self: Mysticism and Psychotherapy, Boston: Beacon Press, 1982.

Dyer, W.: Your Erroneous Zones, New York: Avon Books, 1977, 1993.

Earley, J.: Self-Therapy: A Guide to Using IFS, 2nd. Ed., Larkspur, CA: Pattrern System Books, 2009.

Ellis, A.: Overcoming Destructive Beliefs, Feelings, and Behaviors: New Directions for Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy, New York: Promethius Books, 2001.

Engel, B.: The Emotionally Abusive Relationship: How to Stop Being Abused and How to Stop Abusing, Hoboken, NJ: John Wiley & Sons, 2002.

Fink, P.; Luk, J. et al: Positive association between victimization by bullies and substance abuse, in Clinical Psychiatry News, Vol. 38, No. 6, Jun. 2010.

Freud, A.: The Ego and the Mechanisms of Defense, London: Hogarth Press and Institute of Psycho-Analysis, 1937.

Goffman, E.: The Presentation of Self in Everyday Life, New York: Doubleday-Anchor, 1959.

Goleman, D.: Emotional Intelligence, New York: Bantam, 1980. mindfulness

Goleman, D.: Vital Lies, Simple Truths: The Psychology of Self-Deception, New York: Simon & Schuster, 1985.

Herten, J.: An Uncommon Drunk: Revelations of a High-Functioning Alcoholic, New York: iUniverse Inc., 2006.

Herten, J.: The Sobering Truth: What You Don’t Know Can Kill You, San Luis Obispo, CA: Sobering Truth Press, 2010.

McEwen, B.; Seeman, T.: Protective and damaging effects of mediators of stress: Elaborating and testing the concepts of allostasis and allostatic load, in Annals of the New York Academy of Sciences, Vol. 896, 1999.

McEwen, B: Mood Disorders and Allostatic Load, in Journal of Biological Psychiatry, Vol. 54, 2003.

McEwen, B.; Lasley, E. N.: The End of Stress as We Know It, Washington, DC: The Dana Press, 2003.

Sapolsky, R.: Why Zebras Don't Get Ulcers: The Acclaimed Guide to Stress, Stress-Related Diseases and Coping, 3rd Ed., New York: Holt, 2004.

Selye, H.: Stress Without Distress, Philadelphia: J. B. Lippencott, 1974.

Wilson, B.: Alcoholics Anonymous, New York, A. A. World Services, 1939, 1955, 1976, 2001.

Wilson, B.: Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, New York: A. A. World Services, 1951.

Wilson, B.: The Best of Bill: Reflections on Faith, Fear, Honesty, Humility and Love, New York: A. A. Grapevine, 1986.

Wolpe, J.: Psychotherapy by Reciprocal Inhibition, Palo Alto, CA: Stanford University Press, 1958.

Wolpe, J.; Wolpe, D.: Life Without Fear: Anxiety and Its Cure, Boston: Houghton Mifflin, 1981, and Oakland, CA: New Harbinger, 1987.

Workbooks Specifically on Anger Processing

Abramowitz, J.: the stress less workbook: Simple Strategies to Relieve Pressure, Manage Commitments and Minimize Conflicts; New York: The Guilford Press, 2012.

Block, S.; Block, C.: Mind-Body Workbook for Stress: Effective Tools for Lifelong Stress Reduction & Crisis Management, Oakland, CA: New Harbinger, 2012.

Block, S.; Block, C.: Mind-Body Workbook for Anger: Effective Tools for Anger Management & Conflict Resolution, Oakland, CA: New Harbinger, 2013.

Chapman, A.; Gratz, K.: The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook for Anger, Oakland, CA: New Harbinger, 2015.

Eifert, G.; McKay, M.; Forsyth, J.: ACT on life not anger: The New Acceptance & Commitment Therapy Guide to Problem Anger, Oakland, CA: New Harbinger, 2006.

McKay, M.; Rogers, P.: The Anger Control Workbook: Simple, innovative techniques for managing anger and developing healthier ways of relating; Oakland, CA: New Harbinger, 2000.

McKay, M.; Rogers, P.; McKay, J.: When Anger Hurts: Quieting the Storm Within, 2nd Ed., Oakland, CA: New Harbinger, 2003.

McKay, M.; Fanning, P.; Ona, P. Z.: Mind and Emotions: A Universal Treatment for Emotional Disorders, Oakland, CA: New Harbinger, 2011.

Simpkins, C. A.; Simpkins, A. M.: The Tao of Bipolar: Using Meditation & Mindfulness to Find Balance & Peace, Oakland, CA: New Harbinger, 2013.

Stahl, B.; Goldstein, E.: A Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction Workbook, Oakland CA: New Harbinger, 2010.

Van Dijk, S.: The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook for Bipolar Disorder: Using DBT to Regain Control of Your Emotions and Your Life, Oakland, CA: New Harbinger, 2009.

Van Dijk, S.: Calming the Emotional Storm, Oakland, CA: New Harbinger, 2012.